Forget-Me-Nots

Tidbits of family life I don't want to forget:

1.  Sometimes there's a lot of screaming and yelling going on here.  Derek screams when he's happy and screams when he's mad, so I always feel bad for our neighbors, who probably think we've got issues.  One day, our windows were open and I could hear our neighbor pick fruit from his tree.  Derek happened to be in a good mood and started giggling, so I encouraged it more by doing some silly thing to keep the happiness going.  I wanted Bob to hear that yes, my children are happy at times.  I then raised it up a notch by tickling him and then making my own laugh real loud on purpose.  But then it got a weird because my laugh became a little too forced and I was afraid that Bob probably knew that I was kind of fake-laughing and that he thought I was a psycho-mom.  So I was kind of embarrassed to see him again, but he told me recently that he really doesn't hear a peep from us.  Whew!

2.  Derek's vocabulary is expanding but not as much as he would like.  When the rest of us are talking about something and he wants to join in, he'll just say "applesauce" because it's the biggest word he knows and thinks he's part of the conversation.  When he doesn't know what a word is, he'll substitute it with "sauce".  He says, "I want this sauce" about 15 times a day.  When he wants to make a word longer, he'll add "sauce" to it, which cracks up his brother.  Marcus' favorites are "car-sauce" or "block-sauce".

3.  Marcus and Derek's relationship is complicated.  During their trip to Maryland, he confided in Mike that he doesn't really like Derek.  A few weeks ago, I asked him about this and he clarified that he loves Derek, but sometimes doesn't like him, like when he's screaming and crying.  (I totally get it, son.)  Although they bicker and fight, I do see glimpses of genuine love, like when they're chasing each other around the house while belly laughing, or when they're wrestling on the bed, or when Derek looks to him for consolation when he's in trouble.

One day, during Derek's 5 o' clock meltdown, he was crying hysterically waiting for dinner at the table.  After a couple minutes I noticed that Marcus was real quiet and when I looked at him, he was making a funny face and probably was doing it for a while.  Sweet brother was trying to console him by making him laugh.



On a different day, Derek woke up from a nap crying and in a terrible mood.  Immediately, Marcus went over to the piano to play him the Lullaby Song.  Funny faces and music must be his love language.


4.  Audrey asked me recently, "Mom, is there still manna around?"  When I said there wasn't, she responded with a whimpering, "Aaaawwwww!!  I wanted to taste some!!"  Go figure...God's children complain when he gives them manna and some complain when He doesn't.

Thoughts On The First Day

I dreaded the first day of school.  With the slower stride of summer and getting to enjoy being with the monkeys doing everything and nothing together, I didn't feel like stepping into the hustling bustling pace of the fall.  Waking up early, packing lunches and backpacks, nagging them to get out of bed or finish homework...I just wasn't looking forward to it.



But what bummed me out the most was the simple fact that these babies of mine were growing up...again. Marcus is now a Kindergartner without the comfort of a small special needs class setting.   Instead, he's in a large general ed class full of "typical" peers. And Audrey, who doesn't seem to ever stop growing, is at a different school than last year and has to make a whole new set of friends.



It didn't help that after our bedtime prayers the night before, she erupted in tears accompanied by a few rounds of "I'm scared." And it was then that I heavily doubted the "I love you" I wrote on blue ink on the kids' left hands were going to bring them any comfort.



The Lord knew what this mama heart needed because I had set a date to visit with my friend Stacey after the first morning's drop-off. The kids parted ways wonderfully, but my eyes were sore from damming up the tears all morning.



So it was a wonderful blessing to share our mama burdens to each other and pray for our children while letting the tears flow freely. What I realized during my time with her was that it's not just the thought of seeing our kids go to school and have to go through good and bad experiences on their own that saddens me, but also the fact that these babies are growing up quickly and the sand in the hourglass is falling faster than I had expected. And boy, does a mama feel vulnerable knowing that our babies are out there in world on their own, even if it's only for a few hours a day.



Thankfully, praying with my friend and entrusting our Father with our kids that morning calmed my heart tremendously and reminded me that He sure does love them more than I ever could.  And because He loves me too, I can go to Him to tend to my heart when it's bruised by the sometimes light but sometimes brutal lessons of motherhood.



Upon picking them up, I knew that I'd be able to tell from their first facial expressions, what their first day was like. So since I saw this:



And this:



I let out a sigh of relief and thanked Him for being gentle with us all on our first day.  Not all of them will be as smooth and happy for sure, but at least we got off to a great start (unlike Audrey's first ever school experience).



That day happened to be my birthday, so it led to a little more introspection than usual. I thought about how blessed I am at this stage of my life.



Not only has He met my every need, but He is using the precious members of my family to reveal in me a greater need I have of Him.



My husband and my munchkins are gracious gifts I don't deserve.



They make me laugh, they make me cry, they energize me and they expend all my energy at the same time.



But what I'm most thankful for is that God uses them to make me long for Him and depend on Him more because they expose all my weaknesses and all my flaws.  They don't know it, but they're teaching me so much. And as I'm now getting ready for a new week of school ahead, this mama's heart is nice and full.

Two Things

Two unrelated things I've been thankful for this week.  Worthy of two separate posts, but I'm jamming them together into one.

First, super thankful for our weekend getaway to celebrate our 10th anniversary.  We have the best sisters and brothers-in-law who love us and our kids so we can get away and do things like this. It wasn't easy for them, so THANK YOU to our family!

Los Angeles was the destination this year and we loved that the hour drive led us to somewhere so NOT where we live, with yummy non-chain restaurants and a chance to be just us.  Lesson learned: we will always tell our future hotels that we are away to celebrate our anniversary, because this time, we got a sweet gift:



In my dreams, we have a talented photographer following us around, snapping candid pictures of us throughout the day so that we can get the memories on film.  But unfortunately, that's not the case and when we stop to ask a stranger to snap a photo of us, more likely than not, it turns out like this:



So in order for my memory card to not be entirely comprised of food and Mike eating the food, we had to get creative.  Self-timer, collages, and mirrors are now my friends.







But I still took lots of pictures of food. #notdinochicken









(Our favorite restaurant, which we have no photo of, was Obika Mozzarella Bar in Century City.)

A last-minute decision to see Diana Krall at the Hollywood Bowl was a definite highlight.



One funny: I gobbled my Subway sandwich during intermission and it was a pretty messy sandwich, so I made sure to leave the last napkin for Mike so that he could use it when he ate his.  The dilemma was that I also wanted to eat my juicy peach.  So in pure selflessness, I decided to eat my juicy peach in a way that no juice would trickle down my hand. That way, I wouldn't need the last napkin.  Apparently, the manner in which I ate my juicy peach sounded like I was loudly slurping brains out of an animal.  My loving husband waited as patiently as he could until I was 3/4 done and he could take it no longer.  He turned to me with a loud, "REALLY!?".  Then we busted out laughing because seriously, I had no idea I was annoyingly slurping brains.   I thought I was being the good wife by leaving him the last napkin.  "PLEASE! By all means, use the napkin, babe!"

Then, I saw the people in front of us turn around.  Either they wanted to see what we were laughing about, or they wanted to give Mike a high-five for getting me to stop my sound effects. Whatever.  I was being the noble wife.



But in all seriousness, I love my husband. I love how he loves me.  I love God and I thank Him for sustaining and growing our sin-wrought marriage the past 10 years.  I love that Mike and I can enjoy these chances to have fun and celebrate and enjoy each other even while shouldering some hefty burdens.  I love that my husband and I can cleave to one another here while remembering that it's actually temporary, and our relationship will only to be sweeter in Heaven.

Which brings me to the second thing:

We started attending a new church a few months ago.  Among the many blessings have been two mentor couples in our young marrieds group.  They are older and in God's providence, both have adult sons with special needs.  And by His loving grace, they both have hearts to minister to me and Mike.  It's something we've longed for.  Not that we haven't been ministered to by others before.  In fact, we have been greatly blessed by so many in our lives who have blessed us and taught us and loved us in our special needs journey.  But there's something so unique about having someone who completely understands your pain because they've lived it themselves in even more profound ways.

So when they tell us that God is good and that He does good even when we can't understand his purpose and plan, it is like gold to us.  With 30-40 years of marriage under their belts and story after story of God's redeeming grace being sufficient in their tremendous suffering, we see the Word of God and the grace of Christ so beautifully illustrated in their lives.  Seeing them gives us tremendous hope that God is with us in our trials just as He has been with them.

On the Sunday that Mike and Marcus left for NIH, I happened to be sitting alone at church, surrounded by a sea of people I didn't know and who didn't know me.  I missed my previous church body tremendously that day, knowing that if I was there, many people would have known what was on my heart and perhaps they would have encouraged me.  After a very sweet service, I was exiting the building by myself when one of the mentor couples (Stan & Mary) ushered me to the side.  They sandwiched me and told me they had been praying for Mike and Marcus' trip, which had me erupt in tears.  I didn't have to say a word before Mary sweetly said, "I understand, Sue.  I understand your mother's heart."  Then they put their arms around me and prayed with their own tears over Marcus.  They knew intimately about the testing that Marcus would endure the week ahead because they watched their own son undergo the same (and more) difficult tests for years and years and with very little answers.  Needless to say, their love and prayers for us have been a unique and sweet way that God has breathed life into our souls.

So yes, we get to move up to the 10-year notch on our marriage belt.  What a privilege it will be if we get to do this for 30 or 40 more and be a Stan and Mary to another young couple in similar shoes.  God is good.  He does good even if we can't see it at times.  I'm thankful that we can understand that a little better at this season in our marriage.

Family Summer Vacay 2012

We took a family vacation to San Diego a few weeks ago with my sister's family and our parents who flew in from Hawaii. Like always, I took a bajillion photos. Just wanted to post some of my faves.


















































I love my family, our beautiful state with THE best weather, date nights, hitting the beach or bay everyday, seeing my kids smile because they love life and LOVE vacation, watching Mike and Auj aqua-bond, spending extended time with my parents, and much more.

Vacation...another means of grace to me and my fam. Thankful.