Friday, March 24, 2006

Growing Up

I was fortunate enough to see Baby Noelle yesterday.  She is a beautiful 2-week old bundle of love.  When I went in to see her, I had left Audrey in the car for a little bit because I didn't want to contaminate the Bulis home with baby snot.  So I got to stare at Noelle for a few minutes and I realized again how tiny and adorable newborns were.  After I said my good-bye, I went into the car and saw Audrey and I was shocked at how big my 8-month old was compared to Noelle.  I was like "Who are you?  Why are you so big?  Are you really my baby?"  Audrey was just sitting there, smiling at me..."Yes Mommy, it's me.  I'm a big girl now."

Gosh, time goes by too fast.  Within the past week, Audrey has learned to crawl, grown out of most of her clothes, demonstrate more of her depravity (she's got anger issues), and she's gotten 2 more teeth, which makes 4 total now.  Wow!  Everyone said that babies grow real fast, but I didn't believe it.  Now I know it's true!

A few months ago, I got to ask a godly mother of 4 what she would have done differently if she could relive her time with her young babies.  She said something so sweet and wise...that she would spend more time with them...playing, cuddling, just being with them, because they grow so fast.  I want to do that and cherish every moment with Audrey while she's still dependent on me and while her heart is soft and moldable for the Lord.  Even if she wakes up at inconvenient times or makes messes or gets sick, I want to soak up every moment of it and be thankful to the Lord for this huge privilege.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Lessons in Motherhood

This past week, Audrey was sick and it was pretty tough on the Lee household.  It turns out she had the virus called Roseola, where she had a high fever for 3 days and then broke out into a pink rash all over for several more days.  It must have been pretty painful or uncomfortable for her, because our usually happy baby was crying inconsolably day and night.  She slept little at night and didn't nap well during the day, which meant little rest for Mommy and Daddy.  I also had the stomach flu, which made it really difficult to care for Audrey, but I'm so thankful for Mike.  He stepped in and was a huge help to both of us.  He even got up at night with me to help console Audrey and still went into work in the morning.  He eventually got sick too, but now we're all healthy and SO thankful for God's answer to our humble prayers and for all the lessons learned.

There were moments when I thought that I was unfit for motherhood because it seemed too emotionally and physically stretching.  Seeing our sweet baby cry and not know how to alleviate her pain really made me feel so vulnerable and helpless.  On top of that, being fatigued myself and unable to eat very well made me feel like I was at the end of my rope.  I found myself plopped down on my knees, desperately crying out to the Lord for help.  And now that she's laughing and smiling again and life is veering back to normal, I can look back on this week and really thank God for the lessons learned and blessings received.  Here are a few that I'll got down just so I can remember them for future trials like these:

1.  God is in control.  He knows what is going on in every cell of our bodies, and even if I don't know exactly what is going on, our loving Father does.  And nothing is out of His caring hands.

2.  Being desperate and helpless is how I always should be.  I should never think that I have motherhood under control and that I know the answers to this and that.  I should always be on my knees, crying out to Him everyday.  Being weak magnifies God's glorious grace which is overly sufficient to cover over our weaknesses.  And because of this, I ought to boast in what exposes my frailty.

3.  Being sick is a good reminder of how we needful we are of Him.  Even though as moms our health is the last thing we can afford to lose, it's good to be sick and be humbled from time to time.

4.  A husband's love and servanthood are irreplaceable to a wife and mom.

5.  Praise the Lord for the fellowship of other moms (including my own) during trials. It is a comfort to ask other godly moms for prayer in difficult times and to receive sweet encouragement from them.

6.  I need to guard my heart from anxious thoughts.  Cast them to the Lord in thanksgiving rather than in fear or complaint.

Sometimes I can't believe that I'm a mom.  It's such a huge calling and so intensely humbling.  I think of my own mom and all that comes to mind when I think of her:  caring, nurturing, comforting, selfless, encouraging, a source of godly wisdom.  I can't believe that now I'm supposed to be all those things to Audrey and hopefully to several other little ones.  I've got a long way to go and I'm praying that the Lord would strengthen me to be able to be all those things to my family.

Well, now that we're all healthy, I've got a load of housework to catch up on, so I better end this entry.  But here are some pics for Audrey's grandparents...

Getting ready for a walk.

Valentine's message to Daddy.

First time at Disneyland.

Teacups!  Can you see her bottom 2 teeth?

Learning to crawl...and babble at the same time.

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