Marcus is almost 2 months old now, and we're all adjusting to the wonderful new addition. Having the 2nd baby is a lot easier in a way b/c we're not as freaked out by little things and we kind of know what to do with a baby now. However, I'm still the same mom with the same sins that I've had for a while. I'm still the anxious worry-wart who doesn't control her thoughts like she needs to.
Audrey has had an unexplainable skin issue for a week and a throw-up issue this weekend and my thoughts ran wild. "What if she got bit by a rodent and now she's throwing up because she's infected with some life-threatening bacteria? What if she never stops throwing up and we have to go to the hospital?"
Marcus hasn't reached one if his milestones: focusing on faces and tracking moving objects with his eyes. So I was thinking, "What if he's blind? How will he make a living and provide for his family if he's blind? What kind of jobs can blind people have? Will Mike be okay if he can't play sports with him? Well, at least he can be musical b/c there are a lot of blind people who are musically talented."
So on and on I go with silly thoughts that stem from an ugly heart. Even IF Audrey is infected by a rodent or Marcus is blind (gosh, that sounds so funny!), I need to trust in the Lord who is in control of all things. The kids and I stayed home from church yesterday to let Audrey recover, but it was good to go to the Word to preach to my heart.
Psalm 31:14 But as for me, I trust in you, O LORD, I say, "You are my God."
Psalm 135:6 Whatever the Lord pleases, He does, in heaven and in earth, in the seas and in all deeps. (Thanks to a dear friend who shared this verse with me.)
Whatever the situation, big or small, I need to trust in God because He is in control and does what He pleases. He is in control of all the things I want to have control over because He alone is God. I am not God and my job is to put my trust in Him, to find refuge in Him with a peaceful and thankful heart. Even writing this, I'm so rebuked because so many people have those big issues to trust Him in. I'm not sitting next to my child in a cancer ward or caring for a disabled husband or battling physical ailments of my own. My life is so full of blessing and shelter, yet I STILL have a hard time trusting. That's how weak my heart is. But thanks to a merciful God who lovingly places tiny opportunities like these into my life to remind me that He is God.
Wow, thanks for reading. I'm sure there are others out there who can relate, right?
Well, here are some recent pics of the kids. I'm so thankful for them and for all the ways God uses them to keep my eyes on Him.
Want some applesauce?
So far, Audrey hasn't asked us to send Marcus back. In fact, it's been just the opposite. She really dotes on him, kissing him a lot. For some reason she keeps saying "Morning, Marcus" throughout the day. Maybe because he's always waking up from a nap.
Here's our precious little fella. There's been a sweetness to having a son that I never expected. I guess it's kind of like the sweetness between a father and his daughter.