Another Newborn Baby Boy

When Mike went back to work after a 2-week break, my parents came to visit from Hawaii to spend time with their grandkids and to help me adjust to being a mommy of 3.  I loved seeing my dad walk around with Marcus and play music with him and seeing Audrey play endless rounds of Hide & Seek with Grandma & Grandpa.  The sweetest was seeing my mom bond with Derek as she used her Grandma magic to soothe him and help him sleep.  Something about being held by her made him the happiest baby in the universe.

Derek is almost 4 weeks old and he's doing a great job of stealing our hearts.  What a gift he is!  I cannot and must not complain about the lack of sleep or the craziness of having the 3 kids because the Lord has given us this most precious little one and so far, has answered so many prayers.  When I hold him, I can't help but pray in tears and thank God for His graciousness, His gentleness, His lavish love in giving us Derek.

Taking care of another newborn baby boy brings back so many memories of when Marcus was little.  Putting Marcus' old clothes on Derek reminds me of when I held him and stained those onesies with my tears while trying my best to cast my anxieties at the feet of my Lord.  I remember my mom came with me to his very first ophthalmology appointment when he had his unexplainable head tremor and when we thought that he could have been blind.  And now seeing my dad walk around with him and hearing my mom say that he is a totally different boy than 5 months ago because he's talking so much now, reminds me of how far we've come in this journey and how faithful the Lord has been in keeping us near the cross.

This time around with Derek, I'm not as scared and anxious and fearful as I was with Marcus.  Instead, I'm filled to the brim with extreme gratefulness.  I don't think I could be this thankful if it weren't for the valleys we've walked through with Marcus.  Derek's got an older brother to look up to and to learn from, and now he's got parents who cannot take his little life for granted.

Derek Isaiah Lee

Our son was born on October 26th, 2010 at 7:20 PM in Newport Beach, CA.  He was a whopping 8 pounds 10 ounces and 21 inches long, which explains the discomfort I felt on my petite 5 foot 2 inch frame!

The night before our induction, I was sleeping and praying simultaneously.  The Lord knew the desires of my heart for the baby inside me, yet I had to ask the Lord to strengthen my heart for the worst, if it was what He willed.  Labor took longer than expected and during that waiting time, I kept thinking that in just a few hours, our lives could change drastically forever.

I felt prepared to have my son intubated if needed, or to bring him home with oxygen equipment, or to enter the world of Down Syndrome, or to rush to get him an MRI due to some other obvious signs of Joubert Syndrome.

But for some reason, that is not what my Father willed.  He willed for the Neonatology team to examine him and then then take my hand to say, "Your son is perfect."

He is one week and one day old today and we are little in shock.  So far, he is like any other healthy baby.  Derek is using his eyes to look around and his muscle tone is very strong; both very good signs that he may not have Joubert Syndrome.  And yet I look at our beloved Marcus, who couldn't use his eyes adequately for months, and who still struggles with low muscle tone  and I think that he is perfect too.

Our Derek, whom we thought was an "accident" when we found about the pregnancy early this year, is a truly undeserved gift from the Lord.  Mike and I have three children now.  I can't believe it.  I had so longed for the chance to have more children after learning of Marcus' diagnosis and the genetic risks involved.  And for some mysterious reason, the Lord heard these cries of my heart and answered so lavishly.  This humbles me completely.

I can't help but lift up these 3 precious souls to the Lord and beg him for His grace to raise them and love them in the love of Jesus.

Birthday Eve

Lord-willing, we will meet our baby boy tomorrow.  I'm scheduled to be induced in the morning and we are looking forward to holding this precious gift in our arms.  We can't wait to see him, smell him, admire every inch of his skin, and smother him with kisses.

We feel a huge debt of love to our friends, family, and our church who have loved us through this pregnancy and have covered us with such sacrificial and sincere prayers.  We are completely blessed to have our son born into this world already drowning in the prayers of so many.  Gratefulness is at the forefront of my mind as I look toward tomorrow.

Before I bombard my blog with a million baby pictures, I want to post some pics of what the kids have been up to the past few weeks.































 

Much Of You

Saturday night, my heart tossed and turned a bit.  Each contraction made me realize that our baby would be coming soon and that we would know within a few months at most, what the Lord's answers to our prayers would be.  Anxiety crept in, which led me to ask questions that I really didn't need to ask:

"Will my heart be broken again?  Will I survive seeing another precious son endure challenges for the rest of his life?  How will I hold the pain?  How will we make it financially if we have to fund therapy and medical care for 2 children with special needs?  How will we be able to adequately care for these children, especially if our next is more severely affected?"

On Sunday morning, the Holy Spirit moved in my heart through the lyrics of a song we've sung many times before:

How could I stand here and watch the sun rise
Follow the mountains as they touch the sky
Ponder the vastness and the depths of the sea
And think for a moment the point of it all was to make much of me

'Cause I'm just a whisper and you are the thunder and

I want to make much of You Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today and give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of

I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

It struck me that all my "What about me" questions the night before were very much like the first verse of this song.  I was essentially looking at God's work in this world and wondering how it revolved around MY wants and desires.  The chorus reminded me that God's work in this universe has more to do with magnifying His Son than in fulfilling my agenda for my life.

My friend Alice shared something during our care group several weeks ago that I haven't been able to let go of.  She shared her insights into passages in Ecclesiastes;  that there is nothing we go through that is new under the sun, and that God is God and He is the Lord.  He does what He does and our response is to fear Him.

This challenged me to avoid the temptation to glorify my lot in life and the particular trials God has handed me.  It's so tempting to see the world through the lenses of what I'm going through, rather than realize that perhaps God has His own intentions and plans through the things that go on in my life.  That perhaps there is a greater spiritual realm that I'm unaware of, just like in His dealings with Job.  (Not that my life can compare in any way to Job's.)  And that my life and trials are nothing too unique in the whole scheme of God's plan for the entire history of His creation.  Perhaps the details of my life are only  microscopic pieces of a huge puzzle that God has beautifully crafted to magnify the incomparable glory of Christ.  And here I am, thinking so much of my own life and wanting everything to go my way.

And yet, I also can't escape that my Father deeply cares about my most private cares and concerns while He holds the universe together in His hands.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.  ( 1 Peter 5:6-7)

As much as He cares about famines and earthquakes and floods, He cares about me and all the big and little anxieties that fill my heart.  So while He holds the world together and orchestrates all events in His infinite and transcendent wisdom, He also wants me to cast my anxieties on Him because He cares for me as His very own.  And He loved me so much that He he had the worst affliction poured on His Son so that any trials I own here are at worst, "light" and "momentary" and at best will prepare us for "an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison."  (2 Corinthians 4:17)

So all I can do is stand in awe.  My Father is transcendent and beyond comprehension and yet fully interested in the details of my soul.  He orchestrated the history of the world to put Jesus in our hearts.  And what a cost it was to Him!  Today, this is my prayer for myself and for my family: that God will loosen the grip we have on our own lives and that He will use our joys and trials to make much of Jesus.

Marcus Says

We are SO grateful to report that over the past several months, Marcus' speech has exploded.  Before, we used to say that he was "vocalizing".  Now, we can say that without a doubt, he is "talking".  He still has trouble with many consonants and his articulation isn't understood by everyone, but he is definitely talking.  Before, we used to have to teach him every new word.  Now, he's coming up with words spontaneously on his own.  Here's a short list of new things he's started to say as of late:

"I love you, too."

"Mommy, look!  Daddy, Look!"  (After doing something he wants to show us.)

"Noona (big sister) school, Daddy work."

Counting up to 10 and then backwards down to 1.

Saying his ABCs

Giving a play by play during meals:  "Mommy eat bread, Marcus eat cereal."

"Singing" his all-time favorite single, "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".  Or in his words, "Winkle, Winkle".  He also knows many words to "Jesus Loves Me" and many other songs.

"My _____________ " (funny how you never have to teach kids to say "my)

Us:  Marcus, who's in our family?
Him:  Mommy, Daddy, Noona, Marcus, Baby

Due to his vision issues and his vestibular deficits, he LOVES seeing things that spin and being spun around himself.  So he says "Mommy, Daddy, round round" when he wants us to draw circles, spin toys, or spin him around in a swing.  Mike and I have declared this song to be his anthem.

Humor -

Us:  Marcus, who's in our family?
Him:  Popcorn.  (Grin and long pause.)  Oh my!

Potty Humor -

Us:  Marcus, what's your favorite color?
Marcus:  Poo poo  (Grin and giggles)
Us:  Marcus, count to 10.
Marcus:  One, poo,... (Giggles and can't continue on)

Going to a store, he thinks he owns the place and points to everything saying, "That one, that one, that one."

When he doesn't want to crawl or use his walker or trail along the wall, he says "Walk, two hands"  (please hold both my hands and help me to walk)

Hearing Mike's mix of R&B/Soul music playing, he says, "Daddy music"

Compared to his peers, his speech is still obviously very delayed.  However, we can't help but be extremely grateful that he's even able to communicate what he can.  It's a miracle.  But while I'm overjoyed at his progress, I think of other parents I know who have their own children with varying diagnoses and I know that some of them wonder if their child will ever be able to say "I love you."  I often wonder why God has allowed Marcus to progress this far while others are still waiting, and my heart is burdened for them.  I think that to the degree that Marcus' disabilities have afforded us incredible blessing, these other families' blessings are that much greater and that the Lord is allowing for greater riches than I could imagine for myself.

Thankful Thursday

1. After two short stays at the hospital last week due to contractions, I've been better about listening to the doctor's orders to rest.  So since I'm out of commission, I'm very thankful that Mike has been such a huge help.  With full-time work and taking on my load at home, he's been doing double duty and so joyfully, I must say.  He is one rad dad!

2. I also have some awesome friends.  I'm so tempted to feel incredibly lame that I can't take care of my family, but very honored and humbled that others have SO generously stepped in for me.  We've received delicious meals, offers to babysit, and our friends Alice and Donna have watched Marcus during the day so that I can rest.  Our sisters have also been at our beck and call to help us out as well, especially during the times we've had to be at the hospital.  I'm so grateful for such undeserved care.

3. Marcus is in the middle of his 3-week fall vacation from his year-round school schedule.  And with his Mommy not being able to take him out, he has been stuck at home most of the time.  It's been a challenge thinking of different things to do with him that don't require physical exertion on my part.  But I'm thankful that he's going with the flow and relatively easy to entertain.  One day, we had a good half-hour of fun with a headband. We've found multiple uses for them.

The Classic Look



80's Sweatband



Visor



Halo



Backwards Halo



Necklace



Nose guard



Yamaka



Belt



Star Trek



Headgear



Earring



Double Earrings

35 Weeks & Grateful

The doctor had me admitted into Labor & Delivery today to monitor the contractions I've been having.  I knew I'd eventually be sent home, but while I was hooked up to the IV and given some muscle relaxers to slow down the contractions, I had one thought:  gratefulness.

At the beginning of this year, I had no clue I'd be pregnant.  Every pregnancy is nothing less than a miracle and this one is especially miraculous because it was not even in our plans.  It is something I can't possibly take for granted.  On top of that, being able to carry this baby to at least 35 weeks is as astounding as getting pregnant in the first place.  I have known too many dear friends who have had difficulty conceiving and bringing a baby to term, that I cannot take this lightly.  So in spite of all the unknowns about the future, I'm humbled and thankful to be able to have this precious soul in my womb.  What a miracle.  What an honor.

So per doctor's orders, I'm "taking it easy" and enjoying the fact that God is putting His finishing touches on our son before we meet him at last.

I leave you with a picture of how we've been enjoying our time while we're still a family of four: