What We've Been Up To Lately - Bad Mommy Edition

It's ironic that I'm about to post pictures of my kids and record what we've been up to lately because tonight, I was a bad bad mommy. Like, this mommy needs a major spanking kind of bad mommy.

It all started with the beloved CA Grandma coming over. Something about her raises the energy level in all 3 of the kids about five notches. Add to that the fact that she brought balloons. Not the helium kind, but the regular kind where the kids throw them in the air and at each other, with each throw accompanied by high-pitched screams. Not squeals, screams. Happy screams that sound like they're being killed.

Dinner time was approaching and I had nothing prepared. Audrey's animal project due tomorrow went missing and I ended up foraging through every pile and drawer and even dug through the trash bins outside to no avail. Yes, my hands touched dirty diapers covered in half-eaten food slime. The boys were each excitedly impatient about everything they wanted to do, which changed every few minutes. I tried to make Derek watch a DVD but he hated every one I put in, screaming at me to pick the one he wanted, which did not exist. Marcus was banging so loud on the drums that my MIL and I couldn't understand what each of us was saying. Audrey had to scream her praying mantis oral presentation at my face so I could coach her on it. Then, Marcus broke his drum stool on purpose but then yelled out for a repair before a meltdown ensued. Then, he screamed out for a piano lesson. Then, the rice I was cooking on the stove overflowed while Marcus was trying to play Pop Goes the Weasel on the piano. Then, Derek was at the beginning stages of a hunger tantrum, where it sounded like he was about to hyperventilate but not really. Then, Derek threw a fit when CA Grandma opened the door to leave and I wouldn't let him play outside. Then, Marcus peed in his pants.

I felt like my world was Out - Of - Control. So I let loose on the kids and screamed meanly and loudly at my children. It was a wicked stepmother plus demon possession combo. Yep, not pretty.

I plopped one naked man-baby and one naked pee-drenched rascal in the bath and as I was about to bend over to wash them, Marcus looked up at me with wet eyes and softly asked with a quivering voice, "Forgive me...Mommy."

Marcus' words pierced my mean heart and the Holy Spirit opened floodgates of tears. Once I started crying and asking for forgiveness, he began weeping uncontrollably. What proceeded could have been filmed as a Korean drama. We embraced, crying and moaning on each others' necks as if we ate our last ration of rice in a poverty-stricken land and I had to bid him farewell because he would have to be raised by our poor neighbors while I went into the city to find work. Derek, quiet for once, just stared at us so I grabbed him too and then called Audrey into the bathroom. I asked her to forgive me for being an angry mommy and she, with tears welling up in her eyes, stroked my shoulder and back as if to absolve me of my sin.

We are drama.

They say that a parent's love for her children is a living example of the Gospel of Grace...God's love that loves undeservingly because of Christ. What I'm realizing is that it's the other way around. My kids are so quick to forgive and lavish me with love. They never give me the cold shoulder or try to punish me for my wrongdoing. The minute I confess to them, they throw their arms around me, full of forgiveness, longing to be reconciled again. They are a picture of God's grace to me.

So in the spirit of a bad mommy undeserving of God's love and undeserving of my children, here's what we've been up to lately:

Enjoying another season of soccer.



The tame Ladybugs of last fall have turned into the fierce Blue Lightning of the spring.



Have we won a game this season? Uh, no. But the losses haven't been as bad as before. I say that's progress.





It's probably due to the fact that Marcus cheers so loudly, he chokes on his saliva.



And our mascot is pretty into it too.







Being stoked that Mommy took off his leash at the park.









Exploring a new area of geeky interest.



He makes me ask him what the planets are so that he can list them out. A galaxy mobile and a telescope are on his wishlist, along with a real brass saxophone and a high hat for his drum set. There's no doubt that he'll have greasy hair and will hang out in the band room with his geeky friends in high school, speaking astronomy to each other.  I love geeks, by the way.



Snacking outside after school.









Sound effects to these pictures: mouth breathing, snot vibrations, wet slurps, masticating of juicy pieces that are too big for their mouths, loud swallows. Lather, rinse, repeat.





Tree climbing.



Wishing he could too.



Bath-timing.







DIY-ing a ghetto spout cover.



Investing in some backyard entertainment.









Not too sure about it.







Hanging with Aunties and cousins.

















After looking at these pictures, I'm prescribing myself a daily chill pill, continuous prayer, and meditation on the Word of God. This bad mommy's gonna go to bed and ready myself for another day with the munchkins tomorrow. Thank goodness His mercies are new every morning!

Forget-Me-Nots

Tidbits of our family life I don't want to forget:

1. Derek's gluts are always flexed.  When I poke them, they feel like cinder blocks.  He also has incredible upper-body strength.  If I threw him on a rocky wall, he'd stick to it like Spiderman.

2. The boys were fighting over a toy in the car the other day and I thought it was going to be another one of those screaming/crying marathons.  But they all of a sudden quieted down and I turned around to find them like this:



I call that redemption, people.

3. Mike found Audrey and Marcus sleeping together on the same mattress one night. The next morning, we found out it was because Marcus asked her in his puppy dog voice, "Will you sleep with me, Noona?" (heart sigh)

4. When Audrey and I both think something is silly, or that the boys are doing something that is darned cute or funny, we give each other this open-mouthed smile and shrug our shoulders the same way. It's a quiet acknowledgement that we both get it...whatever the situation is.

5. Derek has been a handful and NOT a joy to take out in public, especially anywhere that requires us standing in line. Audrey has been known to ask, "Mom, are you embarrassed?" during these not-so-pretty moments. Why yes, my child. Your brother makes me ashamed and reveals that I am a failure of a mother. Thank you.

6. On that same note, I had to take all the kids to the DMV last week (for you non-Californians, that's our Department of Motor Vehicles.) I went armed with my iPod, iPhone, toys, and snacks. However, we endured a brotherly brawl, Marcus scream-crying at the top of his lungs, "He pinched meeeeee!", Derek trying to escape and Audrey stressed out chasing him around, which led to Derek falling and bonking his head, and more scream-crying while I had to clear up our car registration issue. The man behind the counter and all the people in line were staring and laughing at me and my brood. Literally belly-laughing. Hey, at least they got some entertainment out of me during their wait. That's why I take the kids out...to entertain others.

7. I took the boys to the park one day and LOVED hearing Marcus spontaneously ask some kids, "What's YOUR name?" They proceeded to make mud soup together. I loved watching them play. The new kids weren't weirded out that Marcus couldn't walk or that he talked funny. And they also were okay that Derek had to get naked afterwards because he was covered in mud.



8. We took a walk around the neighborhood and Marcus let go of my hand to walk on his own. We counted about 70 independent steps. Amazing, I tell you!

9. Audrey is BFF with her school nurse. She goes there, and sometimes gets a friend to escort her, after any kind of scrape, bump, or imaginary issue. One day it was some mystery eye pain that she conjured up. Why? Because she wanted to come home early so she could take off her socks.

Instagram collage of the last few weeks:

Better Than Normal

There's an ideal threaded through my daily life, and even through this blog, that "normal" is the goal of my life.  It must've started when we first asked the doctor, "Will Marcus have a normal life?"  And when the answer on the other side of the phone was hesitant at best, I unconsciously made it my aim to prove her wrong, to give Joubert Syndrome a slap in the face by making sure our family could do normal.

We've done a pretty good job so far.





Better than most, I think, because whenever we do something ordinary, my heart swells knowing it's anything but.







It's the gift that special needs has given us...making us hyper sensitive to life and able to appreciate when things just are.





But maybe I'm aware of regular life because behind the pictures and smiles, there's the all-too present reality that life is different for us.



Besides the fact that walking and talking and seeing are difficult, I know the my son also thinks and feels and relates differently...which means the rest of us do too.



I sometimes coax myself into thinking that our life is just like everyone else's.





And more often than not, I try to convince the outside world that our day to day is just like theirs.



But then Joubert Syndrome creeps up to tap me on the shoulder and rock its pointy finger at me as a reminder that we are a different kind of family. These shoulder taps come in many forms. Like spending a great day with my sister at the beach but having to hold Marcus across the sand while the others walk. Or trying to leave him to play by himself for a bit, only to run back quickly because he's anxious to be alone or gets frustrated with not being able to do things on his own. Or having to give him a pep talk before going potty in public because "the toilets are too loud, Mommy!" Or seeing all the other kids run around and play together while Marcus sits on the ground by himself with a toy.

These kinds of reminders sting deeply. Yet while I mourn the occasional loss of normal daily life, the Lord taps my heart to remind me of greater realities:

How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God!

Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings.

They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house,

And you give them drink from the river of Your pleasures.

For with You is the fountain of life;

In Your light we see light.

Psalm 36:7-9

So maybe we aren't completely normal. But I may be right to say that our lives are even better than normal. Because the stings and scrapes we encounter are used by God to turn are eyes to Him. I don't have to just live a regular life. I can find shelter in Him who is the fountain of life.