What The Kids Have Been Up To Lately

Finally doing a little bit of Christmas decorating



Accidentally bah-humbugging



Having a deep conversation with my daughter while she plays computer games

Me: How are you?

Auj: I love you too.

Me: What are you doing?

Auj: Good.

Multi-tasking



Extreme multi-tasking (hey, it's the only way we get to school on time some days)




Cracking up at Daddy



Needing a haircut



Melting my heart!



Bruce Lee-ing



Exotic photographing



Everyday-ing

Instagram:  mrssuelee

Every Little Thing He Does

"Every little thing your son does requires much effort on his part." It's not an easy thing for a parent to hear, but it's Marcus' reality.

Our last development optometry appointment was very revealing and helped us understand how complicated Marcus' vision issues are.  I won't bore you with the scientific details, but in general, his eyes don't work together properly, he has difficulty guiding his eyes where they need to go, has poor peripheral vision, and he uses his vision like a 5 month old does.  Oh, and the vision that he does have will most likely diminish as he gets older.  So with these vision challenges, low muscle tone, and difficulty with balance and coordination, yes...every little thing is tremendously difficult for Marcus.



We've been teaching Marcus to ask for help since even before he could speak. He started by using signs and now it's a full, "I need help, please." He knows how to do it, for sure. But now the frustration isn't in not knowing how to ask, it's in no longer wanting the help. He wants to be able to finish the puzzle, turn the page, close the box, screw the lid, kick the ball, build the tower, cut the paper, take off his shoe without having to rely on others so that he can sense the accomplishment of doing it all on his own. And so, there is a frustration he feels everyday and as parents, we sense his frustration growing in some ways because he is beginning to understand his limitations. This breaks our hearts.

Our prayer is that these physical weaknesses would be a blessing for Marcus. Although it stings to see him struggle and frightens us to imagine this struggle growing as he gets older, we yearn for the Lord to turn this curse into a gift for our dear son. We're begging the Lord to allow this forced reliance on others to be a willful reliance on the Lord for all things.

But as much as I pray this for Marcus, I can't help but plead for my own soul as well. Because what he is having to learn physically is what I need to learn spiritually; that I'm completely weak and unable to do anything apart from the grace of Christ. And as much I don't want to rely on Him and just do things on my own feeble strength, the truth is that my soul is unable to see, unable to stand, lacking in strength. Just like my son's body is.

When I see Marcus about to throw a puzzle piece across the room, I rush to let him know that if I just guide his fingers ever so gently, he'll be able to finish it and it'll look beautiful. Likewise, I hope to learn that if I abide in my Savior, He'll produce in me beautiful fruit and a life that will bring glory to Him without having to strive on my own and always fall short.

I am the vine; you are the branches. 

Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, 

for apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:5

So Marcus, let's learn this together. Let's always tell Him we need Him because He will ever be there to rescue us, help us. Let's always go to Him because He loves us so. If He gave us Jesus, He will give us all other things. Though your body may be weak, may your soul find strength in Him.

Power Bible Winners

Thanks to all who entered the Power Bible Giveaway!  By the way, I was not compensated for the giveaway.  Just wanted to get the word out!  Using random.org, here are the two winners:

The winner of the calendar and Book 1 is Elaine Jhung, who was a Sweet Valley High reader. Oh, Elaine, I would have never guessed!

The winner of the calendar and Book 2 is Chubbles, who loved Where the Sidewalk Ends. What a classic!

Please email me your addresses so I can get your prizes in your hands. So excited for you both!

The giveaway was a lot of fun and I think I may do another one in the future.  In the meantime, if you didn't win the Power Bible this time, please consider visiting their site and ordering some for yourselves or as gifts for others.  You won't regret it.  Happy reading!

Alrighty, now I'm going to dust off some old issues of Tiger Beat and plaster my walls with NKOTB.

One Of Our Boys Is Walking

For months now, I've been anticipating Derek walking. I'd often ask Mike how he thought he would feel once Derek took his first steps, posing the question to get a gauge on how I should feel about it myself.



The first few steps were so wonderful, almost like an official stamp to the final declaration that Derek is indeed healthy and that the Lord really did answer all of our desperate prayers for him. But now it's like the brightness of this joy has turned around to expose the grayer side of the matter...that while one son is walking, the other isn't. While Marcus' 4 year-old body is crawling on all fours, his 13 month old baby brother is walking circles around him.

Marcus is so happy for Derek. Whenever he sees him stand up by himself and take steps, he's always getting our attention to get us to admire his young toddling brother. The other night, he said, "Hey! Derek is walking!" And with giggles and smiles, he tried his best to get up and take steps on his own too, but just couldn't do it and fell.

Us: Good try, Marcus! Is it hard?
Marcus: Yeah.
Us: Is God going to help you to walk?
Marcus: Yeah.
Us: Is God good?
Marcus: Yeah.

Inside, my heart tore apart as I watched Marcus struggle so hard with something that came so naturally to Derek. And now that Derek is crawling less and less and walking more and more, my heart is increasingly sad for Marcus who may soon need to look up to see his baby brother doing so easily what is so challenging for him.

But I'm conflicted. I remember the anxious anticipation during my pregnancy with Derek, when there were even discouraging perinatology appointments that had us preparing for another child with special needs. But now he's here, our most undeserved blessing, walking around as a living and breathing reminder that God most graciously answered our prayers. And I'm floored. Still in jaw-dropped disbelief.

So as I grieve for Marcus and bear a heavy weight of sadness for my beloved first son, the tears are also ones of joy as I raise my hands in utter gratitude, thanking him for the chance to raise our two boys with different roads before them.

By the way, I think I'm WAY sadder than Marcus is. In fact, he might not even be bummed at all that he's not walking like Derek yet. Tonight, we asked him if he would rather learn to walk by himself, or watch YouTube on the iPhone. Yeah...let's just say he's not really in a hurry to be ambulating about.

There is one thing he's looking forward to though. During dinner last night, we were guessing what we'll each be doing when we get to Heaven. We tossed around ideas of Marcus playing music for God and Audrey dancing for God. Out of the blue, without even being asked, Marcus had his own idea. "I will jump for God," he said.

Indeed, son. No doubt about it.

Just In Time For Christmas: Giveaway

Audrey isn't the hugest fan of reading, so whenever we find high-interest reading material for her, we load up our library bag, hoping to make reading more motivational and not just a chore.  She's not the offspring of avid readers, so it's no surprise.  Although I love to read now, my high-interest reading material when I was young was Bop magazine...not the most academically challenging nor spiritually fortifying.  So, when we found out some friends of ours were publishing the Power Bible, we were excited to get it in Audrey's hands.



It's basically the Bible from start to finish in comic form. Biblically accurate and completely engaging, it's been awesome to see Audrey learn so much and be so excited to read. She blasted through the first two books, so CA Grandma bought the rest of the set for her and let's just say that tonight, she was bummed that she couldn't stay up to read more. She's been saying things like, "I didn't know that..." and we'll respond with, "Really? Did that really happen?" And lo and behold, it did. I'm so excited for her to get a big picture of the Bible so that she knows the framework of the glorious story of Jesus. It's in no way a substitute for the Bible itself, but a wonderful and creative tool to supplement scripture.

The company also just came out with a cute calendar. Audrey's totally into months and dates, so it's perfect.



Alrighty, now's the time where I ask all 10 of my readers to enter a giveaway. There are 2 prizes, so there's a good chance you'll win! The 1st commenter chosen at random will win one calendar and Book 1 of the series. The 2nd commenter chosen at random will win one calendar and Book 2 of the series.



To enter:

1. Like their facebook page and leave a comment on my blog telling me what YOU loved reading as a kid.  I KNOW I wasn't the only one who liked Bop magazine!
2. For an additional entry, visit their website and leave a comment telling me you did so.

You have until Sunday night, 8pm PST and I'll announce the winners Monday morning.

Yay!  I'm excited for you already.

Update on Corben

Last week, Corben received the greatest gift from his dad...a new kidney.  The surgery was successful and this is what Elisabeth wrote on her Facebook wall a few days after:  "Tonight when Corben prayed before bed he thanked God for daddy's kidney!!!!  I just think he is the most amazing kid ever  :-)"

Yes, indeed.  One amazing kid and one amazing dad.

They are both at home now.  Please continue to pray for them both.  It is not uncommon to have complications while recovering from surgery and I've also heard that it is often a more difficult road for the donor.  Please pray for great encouragement to this family during the difficult road ahead.

Please also visit their fundraising site if the Lord leads you to make a donation.

And in Elisabeth's words, "Thanks for everything.  God is good."

The G Word

Ever miss someone so much that you want to avoid seeing her so you don't have to say "Good-bye" to her again?

While my mom was here helping out my sister with Baby Matthew, I wasn't able to see her as much as I wanted because of Derek's Roseola.  I was going to sneak out the other night to spend time with my mom, but I decided not to.  Knowing I'd be crying the whole 45-minute drive up there, dreading the "Good-bye", only to see her for an hour or two with a heavy heart, and then to have to actually say it and then cry the whole drive home, was not appealing to me.  So instead of seeing her in person, I decided to just bid my farewell over the phone, which I cried through any way.  Go figure.

But today, a few hours before her flight, we had a FaceTime session and surprisingly, there were no tears involved.



Is it weird that sometimes I want to go back into her womb? When Marcus was born is when I became an adult. Before that, I feel like I was playing house. And now I see that the adult world is real, tough, dirty, and sometimes brutal. I'm thankful for my mom who tucked me in bed and made me feel like I was in a safe and warm place, even though she and dad were fighting to survive in their adult world.

And now I'm a mom and my own kids may one day miss the days we are experiencing right now. Note to self: hug them tight, make them laugh, show them how merciful and loving the Lord has been to us so that they know the One who will be with them when they enter the adult world of their own.

Love you, Mom! Miss you!