We Will Always Be With The Lord

It's been a tough week of parenting. I had one of those evenings this week where I was crying while making dinner just because I felt so stretched the entire day, and the only comforting thing to do was drop tears on boiled noodles. My rockstar husband noticed my seams were coming undone so he told me to drop the cooking, leave the house, and go have dinner by myself. I thank God for Mike, who often prescribes me exactly what I need.

While driving out, I wondered why it's been so hard for me. I have a loving husband who comes home by 4:30 on workdays and helps out amazingly with the kids. I have three precious, beautiful children, and by golly, I now have a garage and a backyard! How much easier could life with three children be? Besides that, I know several other moms with multiple kids with disabilities who are medically fragile, in and out of the hospital, or severely affected, and maybe even with no typical children. There are also mothers who would do anything to have a crazy day with a child they've lost or with a child who was never born at all. Thinking about this, I wanted to punch myself in the gut.

The truth is, in spite of all the blessings, and although I really do have it good, it's still a difficult season for me. I could try to list it all out, but basically, one of the main reasons why I feel so stretched is because Marcus is incredibly dependent on me for virtually every need. And because of that, he has much anxiety when I'm not close by. So, getting food prepared, taking care of bills, or even going to the bathroom can be very tricky and anxiety-inducing for me, because I know that Marcus could end up being upset somehow. Throw in a side of Derek's tantrums or a brotherly brawl, and it's another beautiful mess.

But what puts me over the top is that I know Marcus doesn't want to need me as much as he does. "It's so hard for me," he said randomly on the way home from Audrey's soccer practice. "It's so hard for me to play soccer and walk on the thick grass."

We had been watching the girls run on the field and Marcus wanted to run with them so badly, but his walker was hard to maneuver on the grass and each step was accompanied by a loud sigh because it was so belabored. Yet he saw Derek walk around just fine and realized, "Derek's walking regular." And this was just an hour after the kids were chasing each other around the house and Marcus, having to crawl to catch up with them, decided to give up and with a frustrated tone, said, "They're going too fast. (sigh) I want to just lay down and rest."

As hard as it is for me to care for the kids with Marcus' needs, it's exponentially harder for Marcus himself. And that's what daily tears at my heart.

I thought about all this as I drove out of the house and once I got to the restaurant, the host seated me at my table for one and I opened my Bible to this:

For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.

1 Thessalonians 4:16-18

Immediate comfort, renewed hope and excitement for my future reality...that's what the Lord pumped into my spiritual IV through this passage. "We will always be with the Lord." Not that He isn't with us now, but the thought of physically being with Him, being gathered up to be with Him forever, that is a picture I don't want to let go of.

I came home so rejuvenated, smiling as I gave Mike a hug and thanking him for my night alone. I also was excited to tell the kids about this in the morning and to tell Marcus about how things won't be so hard for him later when he's with the Lord. The kids were pretty stoked that we would be taken up to the clouds to be with God, who was preparing a room for us. Marcus obviously loved that the trumpet of God would announce His arrival and I think he was intrigued that he would one day be able to run and jump with ease.

"But Mommy," he said with a pause. "Will you be there with me?"

"I will," I answered. And I just left it at that. Because if heaven for Marcus means that I will be there to help him and care for him so that none of his needs or desires will be unmet, then he has no idea how incredible it will really be. And I can't wait to see the look on his face when he realizes that heaven will be so much more than me being there.

His Creator, the One who knows what every cell is or isn't doing in his body, the One who holds the universe in His hand, the One who ransomed his life with the sacrifice of His perfect Son, He will be there to take care of him...forever.

The Hills Were Alive

My sister always tells me that my kids love life.  It's so true.  If we hype up even a mundane activity, we can get them easily excited. I could say, "Kids! Guess what! We are gonna get in the car to buy a dozen eggs at the market!" And then if I abruptly inhale as if to catch my breath in shock, then the three of them (especially Marcus) would erupt in "Yay! We're going to buy eggs at the market! Yes! Hooray!"

They really do love to live. They fight with fervor, cry with passion, and when they enjoy something, they sure aren't shy about it.



We went to a birthday party recently and the kids thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Party? Just hearing the word gets them breathing a little faster. Nevermind they barely even got to see the adorable Baby Ollie, the birthday boy, and they probably didn't even know who actually threw the awesome party. But Steven & Cathie, thank you for inviting us and thank you for the genius idea of having the celebration right next to a gigantic grassy hill. Waaaaay better than a bounce house for sure.





At first, Derek was stuck on me like a Koala on a eucalyptus tree and I wasn't sure if Marcus would be up for walking around so much on thick grass.



But once they had a taste of the decline, they were hooked.





Thank you, Uncle Josh, for carrying our huge bag of rice up and down the hill many many times. Sorry I didn't help you at all and just took pictures instead.  Sorry that your daughter, Lydia, had to watch you entertain another child the whole evening.  Hope you didn't pull anything.





Meanwhile, Audrey rolled herself down the hill a few times.





And probably caught a couple bugs in her mouth on the way down.



Marcus was thrilled that he could climb the hill on his own and then "run" down it by himself too.



He also needed some extra flossing that night with all the tiny insects stuck between his teeth.



He smiled so hard, it almost looked scary. Just imagine this picture with fangs.



And then when Daddy came to free him from his walker, it was joy overload.



So yeah, the kids slept real good that night.



And the parents did too.



Thanks again, Ollie. Happy birthday and thanks for the awesome party!

Say Yes To Crack

I guess he's technically not a baby anymore, especially because his muscle density is more than most men I know.



But I have a feeling that even when his body building ministry goes worldwide, we'll still be calling him our baby.



During one of his shows, where he rips phone books for the Lord, Mike and I will be in the stands cheering him on.



We'll be doing fist pumps and give each other high-fives while yelling into a megaphone, "Oh yeah, that's our baby! You go ahead and flex your biceps for Jesus, son!  We are so proud of you!"  (By the way, don't be jealous of my beautiful mess in the background.)



I'm not sure what this post is about except that I was doing dishes one day and noticed that Derek's diaper was getting loose.



And this mama don't give up opportunities for good baby butt crack photos.



Believe me, I've got some good ones on file because it turned out to be quite the photo shoot.  But they aren't very appropriate for the worldwide web and they may diminish the dignity of his muscle man ministry in the future.  But if you ever come over to our house, I'll show them to you in person.  Hee hee.

What My Son's Birthday Means To Me

We celebrate birthdays to rejoice over a person's life...how they've grown, what they've accomplished and contributed over the years, and how God has met them. We add another number to their age and wish for prosperity and blessing until another year passes, anticipating what the future holds.



Marcus turned 5 this past weekend and we did just that.  But as much as we celebrated what God has done in his life, I can't help but also reflect on what He's done in mine. Were it not for this birthday, I wouldn't be the same person. I would be a completely different wife, mom, sister, daughter, friend.





It's hard to pinpoint exactly how Marcus' life has changed me. Of course, he's opened our hearts to the painful yet beautiful world of special needs and indeed, he's made us more broken and he's tilled the soil of our hearts so that different lessons could be sowed. But at the most granular level, Marcus has changed me by allowing me to feel like never before.



It's like my life was viewed in black and white when in reality, everything was in color. And then when Marcus came along, we were able to see the vibrancy of every hue in the spectrum. The darks were darker than ever, but the lights were striking, just breathtaking.





I think that's how Marcus has changed me the most. My senses are heightened like never before.





Living life day by day, I often catch myself saying, "This is no small thing." Throwing a birthday party, eating food, sleeping through the night, having a place to call home, talking on the couch with my husband, laughing, feeling grass under my feet, seeing smiles on my children's faces, having children at all...no small thing.





And as much as I've been able to appreciate this life, Marcus has also awakened my yearning for the life that is to come.



Heaven didn't appeal to me so much when I was younger. Probably because I sought my heaven here. My heaven was going to be my husband and children and the family we'd build together.





But as Marcus has helped us see this world in vivid color, he's also unveiled the reality that at best, this world is fallen, broken, imperfect, brutal, utterly incomplete and desperate to be restored.  We fall short, we hurt, we fail.



We rejoice that Marcus turning 5 is no small thing.  I see him happy and smiling despite the challenges and I'm utterly grateful. I don't deserve him and all the ways God has blessed us through him.



At the same time, I can't wait until we will truly rejoice and celebrate like never before. There will be a joy never experienced here and a beauty never beheld here, because my Savior will be there. The One who experienced all of life's hurts, the One who owned up to all my failures, and the One who continues to intercede for me today...He will be there.



Now that's going to be one celebration.

What We've Been Up To Lately

Playing peacefully



Playing peacefully before a fight



Getting wet and loving it



A lot



Ending the soccer season on a high note





With the whole family there to cheer her on (Cousin Norah really was excited to be there)









Audrey scored the last goal of the season. She rocks!



Partying to celebrate how the Blue Lightning developed in skill and in our friendships.



Audrey was chosen "Best Defensive Player" by Coach Daddy.





Derek was voted "Best Mascot" by Mommy.



Closing out 1st grade like a big girl







And a big monkey



Being proud of our Auj





Exploring the CA Science Museum



(Is it just me, or does the museum need extra donations to update their bulletin board from the '80s?)







Resting afterward on someone who's not Daddy, but it's all good.



Painting "en plein air" (Sorry, gotta use my college education somewhere)







Loving on our daughter the best way we know how







Scuba bathing



Showing sister how cool she is



"Mom, did you see how cool I am?"



Admiring how sister can go deep-sea bathing in 5 inches of water



"Don't worry, brothers.  You'll be as cool as me some day."



Reuniting with Mr. Mark for physical therapy







Maybe needing a different kind of therapy one day



Getting dressed up for the upcoming ballet recital



Getting teary-eyed that my baby is growing up





And I'll "end" it at that.  :-)