On a typical day, here is the percentage breakdown of Audrey's topics of conversation:
I miss Disneyland. 20%
I miss (random family member or friend). 15%
Crazy noises and sound-effects to make Marcus laugh. 15%
What are we doing today? 10%
What are we doing tomorrow and the next day? 10%
What's for breakfast (lunch, or dinner)? 10%
Can I have a treat? 8%
Can we watch something on TV for Marcus? 7%
Look, Mom, I'm not biting my nails or sucking my thumb. 5%
But on certain occasions, we get to see what else is on her heart besides Disneyland, food, and treats. Case in point: another girl-to-girl pillow-talk we had tonight. I was trying to explain to her that we had to pray for the baby because he could have the same challenges Marcus has. But here is how she hijacked the conversation...
Me: Audrey, you know how Marcus can't really walk and talk like his friends can?
Auj: Yeah, but he can walk with a walker.
Me: That's right, he can. But he can't really walk like his other friends can. And maybe the baby will have some trouble with that too.
Auj: But when he gets bigger, we can teach him to walk and talk.
Me: Yeah. Audrey, do you get sad that Marcus can't walk and talk?
Auj: (shaking her head) No. Who created Marcus? (not giving me a chance to answer) Jesus created him. Is Jesus wonderful or not wonderful?
Me: He's wonderful.
Auj: Who created the birds?
Auj: God did. And who created the flowers? And Jesus is God. And he was the best sinner.
Auj: I mean, he was the best man. And He died on the cross for our sins and then rose again and went to Heaven.
Me: That's right, Auj. Thank you for reminding me.
Auj: And Jesus is coming back. When is he coming back?
Me: Nobody knows, but I can't wait.
Auj: Me too.
Me: Sometimes Mommy and Daddy get a little sad that Marcus can't walk and talk. But when we're sad...(I was gonna try to tell her that Jesus comforts us, but she had to interrupt me with something very important)
Auj: Mommy, open your mouth.
Auj: You have something in your teeth.
(Uh, end of conversation.)
I don't know if she really believes the things she shared with me. But her matter-of-factness was such a rebuke to the anxiety that makes my heart so restless at times. It's like she was telling me, "Mom, didn't God create Marcus and this whole world and isn't He wonderful? He gave you Jesus, after all. And isn't Jesus with God in Heaven advocating for you and our family? So what do you have to worry about? Just take a chill-pill and go brush your teeth because you've got your dinner stuck in there."
Time will tell what Audrey really believes and understands. But in the meantime, I'll have to take what she shares and really believe it for myself.